Introduction
Ever found yourself great at your technical abilities but unable to quite seem to get the hang of it when it comes to communication or collaboration? Been there. At the beginning of my career, I knew that I could get the hard skills—those items that are about knowledge and technical expertise. But when it came to things like communicating with individuals, working in teams, or controlling my own emotions in stressful situations, I was stuck. The reality is, soft skills weren’t something I’d really focused on. But the more time went by, the more I understood that building these skills was essential to my growth as a professional and as a person.
So, if you’re finding it hard to develop your soft skills too, don’t panic—you’re not the only one and the best news is you can get better. And the most important news is, there’s lots we can do to improve. Here in this JobsBuster blog post, I’ll describe how I upgraded my own soft skills, my own blunders, and the steps you can take to do the same to enhance your own skills.
What Are soft skills and why do they matter?
Before we get into the how-to, let’s first define what soft skills are. In simple terms, soft skills are those personal qualities, characteristics, and habits that enable us to communicate and get along with others. They include things such as:
- Communication: The way you express ideas and listen to others.
- Teamwork: Your capacity to work together, assist, and cooperate with others.
- Emotional Intelligence: Being able to know and manage your emotions and identify emotions in others.
- Problem-Solving: The way you tackle problems and identify solutions.
- Adaptability: Your capacity for resilience in change and coping with uncertain circumstances.
- Time Management: The manner in which you plan your work and use your time effectively.
Soft skills are necessary to achieve success in almost every part of life. They assist you in forming relationships, managing conflicts, and prospering in a team-based setting. And here’s the thing: they are equally as useful as technical skills in allowing you to succeed professionally. While technical skills may land you a job, soft skills assist you in succeeding at the workplace and creating enduring relationships.
The catch? These do not come as easily to all of us. If you’re like me, you may be better at concentrating on tasks than in dealing with others. That’s where soft skills enter in, however, and learning to strengthen them can be a real game changer.
When I understood the significance of soft skills, I knew I must change. I decided to change them—and here’s how, and I want to share that journey with you.
Acknowledging the Struggle
I had to confess something I was far from proud of: I was bad at soft skills. Whether I got nervous in meetings, was unclear in my communication, or didn’t relate to teammates, I understood that I had some problem with my communication skill. But here’s the secret I uncovered: progress must start with understanding where we need to improve.
You can get better, but the first step is admitting you need to improve in that particular area. In my case, it took time for me to admit that soft skills were not my cup of tea. I remember finishing meetings feeling frustrated just because I couldn’t express myself. It was not until I took a step back and looked at my defects objectively that I could begin to improve myself.
Tip: Reflect on your soft skills. Is there anywhere you can do better?
It’s not easy to listen to, but by admitting what you need to work on, you can move forward with intention. For example, let’s say that you’re having communication problems or struggle to control emotions during stressful situations; identifying such specific areas is the path to real progress.
Step-by-Step Guide to Improving Soft Skills
- Practice active listening
Communication was one of the first soft skills I focused on — particularly, active listening. I discovered that I would get distracted during speaking, often listening through the lens of what I was going to say next rather than taking in the full communication. Consequently, I overlooked important details and provided off-point or unhelpful responses. But my single best move was practicing active listening. Rather than thinking about how I would respond, I began actually listening to the speaker. This helped me to understand people better and to have more meaningful conversations and prevent possible misunderstandings.
Active listening is being fully focused on what the other person is saying without thinking through your reply while they are speaking. Rather than pretending to listen while preparing your next point, you invest all your attention in grasping what they’re after.
How I improved:
- I began actually making eye contact with them and nodding along and using other low level non-verbal cues that signalled I was engaged.
- I restated I learnt important points to check my understanding.
- I answered with questions to keep the conversation going.
When I started active listening, I was more present in the conversations and I felt people started to engage more with me too. I began building closer relationships with coworkers, friends, and even family members. When people feel heard, they feel respected — and that is a huge piece of successful communication.
Action Step: Next time you are engaged in conversation, practice listening more than you speak. Listen to what the other person is saying, and when it’s your turn, come back with a thoughtful response without interrupting.
- Embrace Feedback
Receiving feedback used to terrify me. I avoided it at all costs. I didn’t want to know what I was doing wrong, and I certainly didn’t want to be told in front of other people. However, the more soft skills I learned, the more I found the importance of feedback. I learnt that, constructive criticism not take it personally for the improvement. How else will you know what to work on?
I now make a point to ask for feedback. When receiving feedback from someone, I look beyond and try to understand their perspective, use that as guide to improve myself and do not take it personally.
How I improved:
- I routinely solicited feedback, particularly after presentations or team projects.
- I reinterpreted criticism (feedback) as a chance to improve, not to be criticized.
- I acted on the feedback, whether it was improving my time management or working on my tone in meetings.
Getting feedback doesn’t always feel good, but it’s one of the fastest ways to get better. The more you accept it, the better you’ll be at identifying your own opportunities for improvement.
Action Step: Request feedback from a trusted colleague on one particular soft skill you’d like to develop—say communication or emotional regulation. Take their suggestions and design your roadmap for growth.
- Develop emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EI) involves the ability to recognise your emotions and manage them, as well as identify and influence the emotions of others. I’ll confess, managing emotions were a struggle — at least I didn’t recognise how much this skill affected my interactions until I took a closer look at my responses in challenging situations. When I’d get stressed out, I’d explode or I’d implode, and neither of those worked to anyone’s benefit. So, I focused on developing my emotional intelligence — starting with noticing my feelings and how my actions were driven by them.
Developing emotional intelligence is about becoming more self-aware, as well as about learning to control your emotions — especially under duress.
How I improved:
- I practiced mindfulness, which helped remind me to check in with my emotions before I reacted.
- I learnt to take deep breaths and count to ten before responding when things got difficult.
- I focused on being more empathetic by intentionally imagining how others might be feeling.
When I started managing my emotions, I realised I was able to remain calm in stressful moments, communicate effectively, and navigate conflicts gracefully. Doing so is also essential to rapport-building with others and relationships.
Action step: Try journaling about your feelings after a stressful interaction. What made you react, and what could you do differently next time?
- Collaborate effectively
Collaboration is a core soft skill that I never noticed I lacked until I began working in teams. I kept feeling the temptation to step in and do it my way. But I quickly learnt that effective collaboration takes transparency, an openness to others’ ideas, and a willingness to compromise.
Getting on with colleagues didn’t mean agreeing with them all the time, but it did mean working out a way to make progress despite differences of opinion. The more I did this, the more bonded I felt to my team, and the more our work got better.
How I improved:
- I worked on listening to others’ ideas first before volunteering my own.
- I tried to participate without monopolising.
- I also learnt to give credit when credit is due, because that helps in creating trust and respect.
By becoming more collaborative, not only will your work become smoother, but relationships with your colleagues will also improve. People like it when you value their ideas and engage constructively.
Action Step: Listen more than you speak the next time you’re in a group setting. Give support and respect to the opinions of others, and watch as the dynamic changes.
- Consistency is Key – Be Patient with Yourself
Soft skills are skills, after all. They take practice, repetition and consistency. Soft skills development is not a skill you learn overnight. I’m not saying you’re going to become a communication expert or emotional intelligence guru overnight, nor am I. So, stay consistent and be patient with yourself. So, every small step forward, whether staying calm during a difficult conversation, speaking up in a meeting, helped build your confidence.
Every time you practice a soft skill, you become a bit of an expert. Sure, some days will be less challenging than others, but the key is to just plough ahead. Your degree of growth is compounded over time.
Action Step: Create small, manageable goals. For instance, try active listening in one meeting this week, or request feedback from one colleague about how you respond in stressful situations.
Conclusion
You might think it is a daunting task to improve on soft skills, yet it is quite possible with some dedication and effort. And if you’re in the same boat as I was, it’s important to realise that tiny adjustments can lead to big changes. Practicing active listening, soliciting feedback, working on emotional intelligence — all of these skills are well worth the effort. It’s a journey, so give yourself time — be patient with yourself.